Wonder Woman

In the course of 8 years, I have lived with a single mom and an older brother. Whether it be a couple of dollars for gas, a hug when I need it, or a "musical" day to cheer me up, my mother has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel like I cannot do enough to show her how thankful I am that she is my mother. Not only for the things she does for me, but what she has taught me. My mom has taught me to be an independent woman, a goal oriented woman, and an open minded woman. She has shaped and molded me into the woman I have become. I could not picture not having my mother in my life. But with all that she has taught me, I hope it comforts her to know that I will strive to be like her. It is hard to describe the love that I hold for her, yet I wish I could let her know. Mom is determined, bold, loving, hopeful, wonderful, independent, beautiful woman. From day one I have looked up to her in every way, and as a nineteen year old, I still aspire to be like her. She is my mentor, my teacher, my confidant, and my best friend.
I love you mom, and I thank you for all that you have sacrificed and taught me. You are truly an amazing woman.

Taco Bell vs. Taco Hell

Well, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was supposedly beginning my weight loss journey. Turns out, that journey hit a U-turn. . .straight back to Fat City. I get so aggrivated with myself sometimes. I know that at least once, if not twenty times a day, I ask myself, "Why did you do this to yourself?" I have gained around 60 pounds in the past 2 years. And I know that is very unhealthy. I always looked at those individuals who have said they have tried every diet, yet nothing worked--and thought of them as idiots. Diet and exercise, that's how you lose weight. Well, I get very depressed when I look at myself now. One reason being, that I honestly feel I'll never be as small as I used to be. I have tried Weight Watchers, I have tried it all, and I can't seem to stay motivated. My goal seems so unattainable, and I truly feel that I will never be able to lose 60 pounds. I need help. From who or what, I don't know. I get so depressed thinking about it, it almost drives me crazy. I miss the skinny me. This person, me, who was never extremely thin, but never overweight. I miss the funny and happy me that also left along with the skinny me. I am tired of being like this. Tired of being exhausted, tired of being out of shape, tired of being fat. I just don't know if I have the motivation within me to change it. At least I feel like I don't have the motivation, because I'm in it alone. Trapped inside this hideous body that feels like it's not even mine. I want to feel confident, look cute, and be happy with my appearance. I want to do good in school, in work, and have fun with my friends and family. Instead, I feel as if I cannot be the person I wish or strive to be because of my body. I've always heard that you can't love someone else until you love yourself. Well, it's very hard to love yourself when the size of your body seems to control your life.